He’s an Introvert, I’m an Extrovert. How I’ve learned to Cope and Get Along in my marriage facing this challenge in our different personalities but managing to love each other more in the process.
Over the past few years it’s become more apparent to me just how different my husband and really are. Opposites attract, right? There is certainly a lot of truth in that!
We got married young, so maybe we were just blind to it. I’m not sure but as time passes we see our different personalities more clearly. And how different they are.
You see, we’ve been married 17 years and I’m still learning how to cope and handle these very different personalities.
It goes something like this:
- You get invited to an event. You automatically assume you go. He automatically assumes you won’t. Don’t say yes to any invites for him. For myself, sure. But not for him. Not without asking. Unlesss you’re asking for a 12 hour span of pure silence. And as a married extovert who loves said husband…that’s pure torture!
- You’re totally ok with having plans Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. He’s not. Say what? Why can’t we always go, go go and be with all the people that we love? Fun for me? Absolutely. Fun for him? Not unless you think poking yourself with a blazing tiki torch is fun.
- You’re cool with talking to total strangers or praying in front of people. Do NOT ask him to do the same. It will send him over the flipping ledge! Your gifts and amazing qualities do not get passed on to your husband when you say “I do”. Oh duh. Sounds much easier now that it’s in writing.
- You’ve got plans coming up this weekend. Husband has approved. Things aren’t working out the way they should and I change the date and forget to tell him. HUGE NO! This one has rocked our boat quite a few times. When will I learn? Don’t rock the cute little sail boat that’s happily bouncing along the waves. DON’T DO IT, MEL!
- You decide you want to invite the whole neighborhood over for a Block Party that you’ll be hosting. Such a superb idea. Then you remember you’re married. To an introvert. Who’s idea of a party is : Him, Himself and He. This is WAY too much for an introvert to handle. Maybe I should have started with just 5 neighbors. Again, still learing.
So I’m making it all sound like fun, but in reality your feelings are bound to get hurt along the way if you’re married to an introvert. If you’ve been married a long time and this has never happend to you….kudos. Why don’t you write a blog post and tell us how you figured it all out. I’ll definitely come over and read it.
But here’s how I’ve learned to handle these sometimes delicate situations.
Rules to Keep in Mind as Wife
- ALWAYS PASS IT BY HIM FIRST – Don’t make any plans that include him without checking first. Maybe to some of you this is a “duh” moment. But over the years we’ve made some great friends as couples. So when they invite us to do something I would just assume that if there are no others things on the calendar that this would be an absolute yes. WRONG. He can’t stand being kept out of the loop. Always pass it by the hubby first.
- DON’T OVER SCHEDULE – I know how much his ‘home/relax” time means to him. So we try to only make definite plans one day on the weekend. So if we’re going to a 4 hour picnic on Saturday, I know to expect to keep Sunday completely clear of activities after church. He needs time to recharge before heading back to work Monday. It’s how he thrives and I need to respect that.
- DON’T EXPECT HIM TO PARTICIPATE – Itching to meet new people. Awesome, just remember to pass it by him but not expect him to fully participate. He’s totally ok with me inviting new people over but I can’t anticpate that he’ll always want to be fully involved in it. It doesn’t make him any better or worse than me, just different.
Still not sure which one you are: Here’s a link to help you out figure it all out: 23 Signs You’re secretly an Introvert
Til we meet and eat again,
FOLLOW ALONG : Gather for Bread
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