Do you have a love so strong that you can’t imagine life without love?
Does love symbolize a certain someone to you?
My love for my husband is strong. Stronger than I ever knew love could be. I loved my husband before I even truly loved God. Not a proud statement.
But I feel that’s the reason why marriage hasn’t come so easily for me. My priorities weren’t in place nor did I even know or care. Have you ever gotten ready to sit down to eat and realize that the table hasn’t been set?You decide what to eat. You make it. Food has been prepared but there’s no way to eat.
That’s what I think about with my marriage. I decided to get married to my lover. We were 19 years young when we got engaged but began talking about marriage at 17.
I had no clue what marriage meant besides choosing someone for a lifetime. I was not taught that marriage would be difficult. I wasn’t shown that marriage would be take me on the longest roller coaster ride I’ve ever been on. Talk about ups and downs. Wow. That is the understatement.
When I decided to marry my husband I thought of it more like:
‘I really, really like this guy and I really, really don’t ever want to be without him.‘
It was mostly still that infatuation kind of love. We were barely past the stage of butterflies and goosebumps when he proposed.
We were married on a brilliant summer day. The sun shone bright as I hoped it would. I walked off the farmhouse porch on my father’s arm. He led me to a man, my man that I believed I knew well. But here I barely knew him at all.
What I did Wrong in Marriage
I didn’t know that trusting him was his motivation enabling him to triumph, persevere, excel.
I didn’t know that respecting translates as love to him empowering him to give, serve and lead.
I didn’t know that serving him was a gift that I had forgotten to give.
I didn’t know that encouraging him left me motivated and inspired.
I didn’t know that helping him was my full purpose as a wife.
As we all know, marriage is a partnership. It is me, as an individual partnering with my spouse to live a life together.
I wish I had known it was so much more. It takes ALL of me on a daily basis.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
What marriage requires most? Humility
The ability to be humble is not a strong attribute for me. No wonder I’ve struggled.
Being humble means being able to forgive, to admit when I’m wrong and being selfless.
What marriage requires least? A fiery tongue.
The worst moments in our marriage where always because of that single body part. A tongue. It deceives. It condemns. It punishes. It humiliates. I have brought so much damage from my mouth.
James 3:6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire but hell itself.
What I am Doing Differently
My New Goals are Simple.
Support & Help – I want to support him. Little things. Big things. Support his goals, his dreams, his bitty plans around the house.
Does this mean I shouldn’t have a say in what goes on around here? No. But it does mean give and take. I need to give a little more and take a little less.
He tells me he wants get a mohawk. I say “Where’s the scissors, baby?”
He says “Lets dig up the entire back yard and start over!” I say, “When?”
Respect & Trust – I need to respect his authority in our home. God placed the man as head of the home for a reason. You can’t have two leaders. It fails every time. God designed the man to lead. The woman to help.
1 Corinthians 11:9 And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.
1 Peter 3 TLB Wives, fit in with your husbands’ plans; for then if they refuse to listen when you talk to them about the Lord, they will be won by your respectful, pure behavior. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.
I just love that verse. “Fit in with your husbands’plans” and “they will be won by your respectful, pure behavior.”
It doesn’t get any clearer to me!
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Tell me. What has been your biggest obstacle in marriage?
Or tell me. If you’re not yet married what’s your greatest fear in being married?
I’d love to hear from you!
Til we meet again,
Melanie
Linked to Thrifty Thursday, Time Warp Wife
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Love your open and honest post about marriage! Thanks for sharing. Great tips that everyone can learn from. Marriage is the greatest thing in the world once you “figure it out”.
Can’t believe you were only 19 when you got married! I’ve been with my husband since we 16, but we waited 10 years until getting married. People still thought we were crazy getting married at 26. Haha!
Thanks Natalie! I believe it’s a life long learning but it pays off in big dividends. Thanks for being here!
Yes, we were young. I made many mistakes. But I still don’t regret marrying that young. It’s part of what makes me who I am. 🙂
I am not married yet – but my parents have been for almost 40 years and humility has been a big part of their marriage – thanks for this beautiful post.
Thanks for sharing Shashi. Humility is huge. It wish it was an easier lesson to learn though. Glad you’re here. 🙂
Marriage truly can be hard, and I have grown more than I ever anticipated I would. Thanks for sharing such a heart-felt post.
Thanks Ashley. It is hard but somehow the harder you work at it the easier it becomes. It definitely takes effort but it pays off. Glad you stopped by.
I’m newly engaged Mel and I love everything about this post! Really appreciate your candor, and how adorable is your wedding day pic?! All the best to you and your hubby 🙂
Awesome Christine! Congrats!
Maybe you learn a bit from my mistakes. Love him with everything you got! Serve him and respect him and you’ll be happy married couple. Thanks for being here!
Can’t wait to see your wedding pics. 🙂
Love love love this! I can relate in almost every area! When I finally fell in love with God and loved Him more than my husband I became a better wife to my husband. Taking my place as the help mate to my husband and understanding the structure of marriage that God has laid out , made my marriage so blessed and much more enjoyable! Thanks for sharing this! It blessed me greatly! Love the scripture references too!
Thanks for sharing Lynn. It’s so good to hear that I am not alone. Understanding the structure of marriage is key and I’m so glad that I’m finally figuring it out. Glad to inspire. So happy you stopped by!
I love this Mel! It is exactly the way I felt when I married Matt except I was much older than you. You would think I would have been wiser. I definitely believe I love him more now than when we got married because now I know what true love is. And yes marriage is a big roller coaster and if feels good to hear other people admit it! Love ya!
Thanks Pam! It is truly awesome how love blossoms and grows over time. It’s so cool when you’re more in love than when you first thought you were in love. It just feels right. Thanks for sharing your insight. Love ya too!
Melanie, this post is Awesome! As you know, Jesse & I have been through some really rough times. I definitely loved Jesse more than God when we got married as well. I was thinking that just yesterday. How God is growing Me & how it starts with me is truly amazing. God is working & I look forward to & rejoice in the fact that God has me on this wonderful Journey. A journey I remember starting & did not want to. I wanted to kick & scream & remain in my comfort zone but Knew I had to do this. To Grow is hard but to remain the same is even hartder. Thanks for your posts!
Thanks Diane. So glad you shared too. It does hurt to leave our comfort zones but God has amazing things in store for us. Things we never dreamed or imagined! Glad you stopped by! 1 Corinthians 2:9
Absolutely love every word of this post. Your heart for the Lord and for your husband is such an inspiration! We love you guys and love seeing your love story played out as you walk with Him, the lover of your soul…
Thanks Tabitha! We appreciate you and Steve and your heart for the Lord and ministry. You are definitely an inspiration to me!
I believe I have met a good and godly man that I can marry. Time will tell more and that is what we are giving it. My biggest fear is choosing someone who not everyone in my life will agree with. For the last 10 years, my blood family and my church family have not agreed on anything in my life. At 29, I am over doing things with the motivation of pleasing – or appeasing – others. However, I’m well aware of the consequences of people in your life feeling like you’re making a bad choice. The gossip, the looks, the well-intended-haughty comments, the unintentional cold shoulder, the implication that they know best about your life, the way some people will not be “for you” unless the believe that higher ups in your life are 100% for your choice, etc.
There’s only one who needs to approve your choice and that’s God. If you feel that this is the person God want you to be with he will bless your marriage and make it prosper. Even despite obstacles and uncertainties.
Living a life to please others will leave you depressed and suppressed. Living a life to please God will leave you fulfilled.
In the meantime never stop praying he’ll show you the way as he has promised. Let me know if there’s anything I can pray with you about. Blessings Mena!
1 Thess 5:16-18
Thank you for reminder of all that I want to be as a godly wife. Thank you for sharing what you have learned. I am blessed by your words (His Words) this morning!
Thanks for the post. My boyfriend and I have been together since we were teens.. I was 15 and he was 17… Its been 6yrs now and we have learnt sooo much. Humility really is important and as the scripture says the tongue is fiery and has caused so much hurt but I can say we’ve learnt to work as a team with coinciding goals and plans. My biggest fear in getting married is personal for me… I just don’t ever want to feel trapped.. But he’s my best friend and knows what I aspire to be n how I hope to live..
Thanks for taking the time to right Oj. May God continue to bless your relationship as you grow closer together. Instead of thinking of it as a trap think of it as a strong comittment to stand by your most beloved person all the days of your life. If you go in committed it will be so much easier to stand the against the things that you will encounter as a couple.
May God bless you as you move forward. So glad you stopped by Carmel Moments!
Hi Melanie your blog is interesting. I love your take on life and I’m sure that is the reason for the happiness that shows in your 3 lovely kids.
FYI one of the bible passages you quoted in “the things you now do differently” should have been
1 Corinthians 11: 9 Not 1:9.
Thank you Allan! Not sure how I made that mistake but thanks for noticing. Glad you stopped by!