Ok. Here’s where I get brutally honest and tell you the truth. You know that fast I talked to you about 2 weeks ago? Well, I quit. Yup, I just up and quit. I really didn’t want to write about this today. But I just felt I had to be honest with all of you.
Before you make any assumptions let me tell you why. It’s not because my cravings where too much too handle. It’s not because I had a breakthrough and felt release. It’s not because I just didn’t feel like trying any more.
I stopped fasting because I realized I was doing it all wrong. Well, maybe there is no specific way to fast properly. I realize it can be giving up shopping to one person, no Facebook for another, liquids only to yet follower. I realize that. But in my heart of hearts I realized that really what I was doing was dieting but labeling it a fast.
Was I purposely misleading myself or any of you? No. But I just realized over the last few weeks that I wasn’t thinking about God when I wasn’t eating certain foods. I was thinking about what the scale might say. Or how the skinny jeans would feel.
Will I ever fast again? Absolutely.
But before I even begin I will check my heart to know I’m doing it with the full intent of drawing closer to God and not for any personal gain.
I feel like I was hurting God by calling it a fast yet looking for other results. The only result I should have been expecting was a richer relationship with Him. My hurt was heavy. My burden deep. What I intended for good I turned around for vain pleasure.
I’m so thankful for His mercy.
Have you ever done that? Took something meant for God and turned into earthly gain?
It could be money, giving, sharing, serving. They can each be used for good. Or they can be used for our own vain reputation.
I’m kneeling my heart down. Low. Surrendered to the One.
Here’s the song on my heart as I repent:
“So what can I say?
What can I do?
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You”
“I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of The One who gave it all
I’ll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered all I am is Yours”
Today I pray you see my honesty as a heart cry to honor God in all that I say and do.
In His Rich Love,
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