Do you ever feel that you are on display? Like a beautiful ancient artifact?
Like some gorgeous floral display at the local flower show?
Like an intricately chiseled ice sculpture for people to marvel and wonder at?
Like a gorgeous bridge spanning the rushing waters?
Well, I feel that way about our family in my neighborhood. The Hiesters are on display. There they are for everyone to see. To hear. To know.
Now, you may immediately think that’s a delight and a blessing. How awesome to be Jesus followers on display for all to see. That’s fabulous and all except for when the kids are yelling horrendous things at one another. Teasing because it’s fun. And talking back in not so respectful ways.
Struggling with how our actions are perceived among our neighbors. When they hear fighting or anger among us does that make them question our beliefs? Our heart’s desire is to display Jesus well for all to see.
I’ve almost begun to think of it as a curse. We’re Jesus followers. They may not be. What’s it like for them to see the ‘light of the world’ acting in this manner.
I immediately want to hang my head in shame or usher my kids in the house and threaten them with no communication between them for a month. Both sound like lovely prospects.
So does pulling them in the house and yelling my fire breathing tongue off. That may have happened once or twice.
They’ve been so loud before that I can’t even speak above the noise. They’re loud so I get louder.
I wonder what they think…these neighbors of ours? What do they think of these people they see go to church on Sunday? These people who claim they know Jesus.
I have to tell you I don’t have all the answers.
I think of the ultimatum. Change the way it is or stop going to church and professing this man named Jesus.
That second one is never going to happen. He’s changed my life. He’s been my life. My strength. My encouragement. My joy. My endurance.
So I bow my head and pray. For forgiveness, humility and a will to make a difference. And I immediately think of the song, “Need You Now” by Plumb
For the sake of space I won’t write out all the lyrics but I will share what specific part is speaking into my heart.
How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise
And that’s my heart cry. God help me hear above the noise.
God, give me discernment and wisdom in the noisy moments to change the outcome and the display. May how we are viewed be a true testament your goodness and mercy in our lives.
The enemy wants me to believe that we have no purpose here. He wants me to believe that how we sometimes act determines who we are. But God you have a bigger purpose.
And maybe that is that I can react to the commotion in ways of unjudgemental love, of patient affection, of loving correction.
Maybe I’m to display the calm in the storm. The peace in the fury. The hush in the chaos.
And I will not let the label of being loud and mean to establish our purpose here in our neighborhood. I will not let that label define us.
So can I hear your thoughts? What do you think about people who call themselves Christians yet they display acts that aren’t perfect? Do you have a higher standard from those people?
Do you think that’s hypocrisy? Do you think it’s acceptable? Does it help you realize that none of us are perfect?
Like I said I’m struggling with this and would love to hear what you think.
Thanks friends!
Melanie
xo
Jamey says
As a homeschooling mom of seven kids that is home all day, I can totally relate! Spring and fall are the seasons that I am tempted to worry the most because that’s when I have my windows open. LOL!
My initial reaction to your question is that “man looks on the outside but God sees our heart.” As is obvious by many of your previous blog posts, you are not professing to be perfect or judging those around you that aren’t and that’s one of the things that matters most. I personally look for opportunities in conversations with people to let them know that I don’t have it all together, primarily because it is evidence of God’s grace which is something I am in need of every single day. I look for every opportunity I can to give God the credit for anything good in me or my kids. There are three primary benefits to this. 1. It’s Biblical and what we’re supposed to do. 2. It keeps the pressure of perfectionism off so I can feel “lighter” 3. It makes other people realize I don’t have some special skill that they can’t achieve. All they need is a relationship with God because that’s how I do what I do-by depending on Him. My hope is that they will see that and what the same for themselves–not necessarily even the skills but the freedom of grace when I mess up.
The second part of my answer is related to the matter of the heart. Yes, despite my best efforts to live for an audience of one, I am tempted on a regular basis with feelings of utter failure, discouragement, and embarrassment at my kid’s behavior. If I let them, those negative emotions would then stir up feelings of anger, insecurity, and hopelessness. I don’t want to live there. I can’t live that way. It’s not the way we as believers who have hope were meant to live. So through prayer and a lot of soul searching, I realized that it is God that we are to please, not man (Galations 1:10). If I am screaming or mistreating my kids I should want to stop that because it’s wrong and not pleasing to God, not because I’m concerned about what my neighbors think. I used to think my motive for wanting to change was pure because I wanted a good example for Christ but the anger that I felt when things like that occurred was revelation to me that there was something more going on in my heart. I felt pressured because I am in a few leadership positions where people put you in a “fish bowl” and look in from the outside. They have certain expectations of how a Christian family should look and behave. Having the number of kids I do also put pressure on me because I didn’t want people to think I was falling apart and couldn’t handle it. The revelation I experienced about that was that once again, “God’s opinion is the only one that matters.” He is the Creator, not us. We are just the conduit and if he felt I could be trusted to handle those kids, then I chose to believe that He would equip me for it. That is when I was really able to begin to walk in freedom knowing that I serve Him and not man (Colossians 3:23) and if I do everything as if I am doing it for Him, that’s all that matters. I do pray for favor for myself and my kids. In the New Testament it says that Jesus grew in favor with God and with man. I think it is natural to want to be liked and approved of especially if we hope to make a difference in the world, but I’ve come to realize even that that is just one more thing that I cannot do in my own strength. So I say a prayer, pull up my bootstraps, keep thinking positive thoughts from the Word of God, and keep on keeping on. Realizing that no one is perfect and that my mess ups are just one more opportunity to shave off the rough edges, display humility by asking my children forgiveness, and free myself from trying to “be good.” My best is all God asks for. He’s got the rest. Hugs to you sweet, Mel.
Melanie says
Thank you Jamey! You always have wonderful insight! And I’m so glad you can relate. Thanks for practicality and assurance. I’m so glad that it is only God that matters.
Thanks for giving me a different angle to view it in. Love your sweet spirit!
Michelle says
Melanie I was/am crying as I read your blog and Jamey’s response because I can relate as well. Especially when I have had others call me a hypocrite and a holy roller. That’s not something anyone wants to be called and especially if we proclaim to be a Christian. I find myself constantly comparing and wondering if I am doing the right thing. Just the other day I was yelling at my kids while we were out side and was thinking the same thing…what must the neighbors think? I mess up daily and I am so thankful that God does forgive me and has already forgiven me for my future mistakes but that doesn’t stop me from beating up on myself some days. I look at so many people and think…how does she do it? How does she stay so calm? I am a Christian but I am not always calm. Why do they seem to have it all together and I seem to fall apart? I find myself thinking…I want to be more like that person and then I realize I need His help. I can’t be the person God wants me to be without Him in my life daily. It’s a struggle for most of us I suppose. Thank you for your honest and open blog <3
Melanie says
Aww. Thanks Michelle! Your honesty means a lot to me. I suppose we all do struggle with this. And that’s where his mercy and grace overcome. They overcome everything that we don’t like about ourselves. Every stronghold. Every flaw. Every mistake. So thankful that I’m forgiven!
Thanks for taking the time to read and give your feedback. It means SO much to me!
xo