When You Should Keep Score in Marriage

 

My husband has been doing a ton of work around the house. Hard manual labor work. All day Saturday at times. He’s been using all his free time to make the outside look better and save us a few thousand dollars. I’m grateful.

But meanwhile I’m doing extra to balance it out. Helping with the grass, more with the kids, etc. What good what it do if I just griped about not having any help and totally forget about his sacrifices?

All the best selling marriage books in the world. All the greatest counselors in America. They will probably tell you the same thing. You shouldn’t keep score. Why?

Because it will cause strife. It will pinpoint what you’re doing right. And what the other person is doing wrong.

I stayed up with the baby for the last 5 nights. You didn’t! Score for me.

I did all the laundry, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, took the kids to the park and cleaned  the dog’s barf. You didn’t. Score for me.

I went to work today, mowed the grass and picked up some groceries on the way home. You didn’t. Score for me.

I’m in the positive. You’re in the negative. You have some catching up to do my dear.

Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

But here’s when it’s healthy to keep score.

Wow. He just went out of his way to pick up dinner so I didn’t have to cook tonight. Ding!

Awesome. She clearly dressed up (or undressed)  just for me tonight. Ding!

He just offered to watch the kids so I can have a night to myself. Ding!

Keeping score of all the great things your spouse does allows you to appreciate that person even more. At times it’s easy to take your spouse for granted. Don’t you want to look for the good?

If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!

Proverbs 11:27

 

Write a small note and put it on a mirror, on the dashboard or in their lunch.

“Honey, that was so thoughtful of you to offer to watch the kids tonight. I really needed a break and that just left me feeling refreshed and renewed. Thank you so much!”

When we keep score in a positive light versus a negative light it charts it’s own path. When we’re looking for the good we’re going to find. And vice versa. If you’re constantly looking for ways to one up over your spouse it’s going to leave you feeling negative, disappointed and frustrated.

So I’m challenging myself for the next 10 days beginning today August 22nd. Who’s coming with me to play along, keep score and create some joy?

Simple ways to keep score:

• Jot  down things you love about your spouse in a journal or a sheet of paper on the side of the fridge. Things you sometimes take for granted.
• Don’t forget his physical and emotional attributes. What drew you to him/her in the first place?
• Count how many times you say “I love you.” over the course of 10 days (and mean it)
• Recall memories. Remember the old times of fun together. Pull out old photos. Remembering creates laughter and a special bond between the two of you. 

   Her husband can trust her,

 and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:11-12

  

Will you join me in the challenge???  I’m looking for others to join in and celebrate the little things we value in our spouses.

 

Love and blessings,

Melanie

xo