*UPDATE*
Your comments have been so encouraging and I’ve been reading and treasuring every single one. Thank you!
Today, I write not on food or gathering but on love, suffering and the tragedy of experiencing grief. I share my heart openly and honestly after what has happened to me 1 month ago.
My heart has shattered into 1 million pieces. There’s no bandage for this wound. Its cut wide open with hurt, sadness, anger and the deepest loss I’ve ever felt.
I’ve never known grief like I do right now. And it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I’d rather almost anything else than this pain I’m feeling. I’ve wished him back, prayed for him to come back, willed for him to come back. But it’s no use, my lifetime lover is gone. He’s no longer by my side.
For those of you struggling with a recent loss, I get it. I can now not only imagine your pain but I get it 100%. It is so very difficult.
My husband, Carl, went to heaven on February 6th 2018 after a tragic accident at work. He was the coolest person. He had a way of making everyone around him smile with his goofy ways.
He was known for
- his hard work ethic (never missing days at work)
- his fun humor
- his awesome hair
- how much he enjoyed the beach
- and most importantly how much he loved us, his little family.
He gave and sacrificed so much for us. What an example of an every day Jesus in our lives.
My heart aches so very much. And the pain cuts to the core. The smallest things make me think of him. The photos, memories, foods we shared, the things we discussed in private, the adoring gaze. They’re all hurtful yet beautiful to remember.
I miss so many things about him. But more than anything I miss his touch and his voice. I know I’ll never get over him. He was my only love. We met when we were 17. Married at 19 and he’s the only man I ever loved.
He never thought he was a good enough father or husband but I knew just how special he was. And now the kids and I share all the ways that we miss this special person in our lives.
Not Goodbye, But See You Later, My Love. I know I will see you again in Heaven. For you, it may be sooner. For me it may feel like forever but I know it’s coming and in that, I take to heart.
I may continue to share my journey through this grief process as I feel it may help. However, I don’t know exactly what that will look like. Pray for us. The children and I need your prayers for the difficult days to come.
Thank you to all of you have helped in generous ways through the GoFundMe and with meals, rides for the kids, gifts and so much more. We appreciate all of you.
God is our present help in time of trouble.
Broken but blessed,
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Oh, I am so sorry, you shared to us something we all hope that would never happen! Will be praying and thinking of you!
Thank you Janet.
Sweet Melanie. I’m saddened to hear of the loss of your dear hubby and closest friend. Continue to find comfort in our Savior knowing that Carl is in our future as believers. Praying for your continued strength. Lots of love and prayers for you my friend.
I’m so sad too. Thanks, Felesha. Appreciate your prayers, friend.
Dear Melanie, I hardly have words. My heart is hurting for the wonderful husband, father and friend who has gone ahead of you. May I say, I care deeply and you are now on my prayer list. I know you are feeling our Abba Father with you but even so the pain is very real. Please Jesus, wrap Your arms of faithfulness around these precious ones. Your mercies are new every morning. I pray Melanie will actually see Your mercies. I care, Cordelia
Thank you for the sweet prayer Cordelia. I appreciate it so much. May God continue to be faithful in the weeks to come.
Thank you for sharing Melanie, I will pray for you and the children. I feel God giving me Isaiah 58:1 for the question you have asked God, why? He wants you and your children to know how much he loves and values you. He knows every hair on your head and every need you have and will ever have. He is going to provide for your every need, physically,emotionally, and spiritually. Do not fret or be anxious about external matters I will take care of them. So grieve for your loss knowing I sent my Son, Jesus, to bind up your broken heart and to comfort you in your mourning. Then in my time, I will again bestow on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. He wants you to know that He is going to rebuild the ruined cities of your heart and rebuild the broken walls of your life. He has chosen, for you and your CHILDREN(no mistake), a new path that has a hope and a future, and you will become a new planting of the Lord, for the display of His splendor, grace,, love, and mercy! (some scriptures out of Isa. 61:1-4) “I am the Lord; in its time I will do this swiftly”
Melanie, I believe this is a word from the Lord for you, I pray that the healing hand of Jesus would touch every hurt and wounld right now, and His love would cover you like a garment. May the Spirit Of Peace sooth you right now,in your time of need. Amen
In Crist’s love and blessings, Jay
Wow, Jay,
I can only say thank you for sharing a Word from the Lord as it was so good for my heart and soul today because the ache is deep today and the sorrow so much to bear.
And these words do bring comfort.
Thank you
Sorry Melanie, the scripture God gave me for Carl was Isaiah 57:1 not 58:1. I typed it wrong Jay
Dearest Melanie,
I can share your grief. God took my husband home last month, February 17th. He was 75 & had a long life, but was still active and doing well. He contracted pneumonia & complications made him unable to eat eat food. He hated the ‘G-tube’ that supplied him nourishment.. He was so unhappy & wanted God to take him home. I can’t wish him back although I miss him terribly. I know where he is and that he is happy & with the Lord. & I will be with him again someday..
To have your dear husband taken in the prime of his life must be even more painful. I pray the God of all comfort will be with with you. I send my prayers & love also.
my lady left me two years ago, I am feeling your lose,, so sorry for your sadness..you can never get over it..do your best to keep going,,I’m sure that is what he would have wanted..Q
I’m so sorry for your loss! I know your pain. I’m thing of you and your kids.. I lost my Dad in 2009 and we told him it’s not good bye it’s see you later. We’ll see you again when we go to Heaven. I’m praying for you hon!
im so osorry for ur loss i know the feeling ilost my husband too its been 36 yrs and i still miss him mmm
I am so very sorry Melanie.. I feel your pain and heartache. May God bless you and your children…
I am truly sorry for your loss. Praying that the Lord will comfort you and your family at this time
Please know I understand your feelings of loss and maybe even of being lost at the moment, through my own experience and know that even though you don’t know me, I am thinking of you at this time and sending you and your family all the wishes of peace and love that one person can share with others.
Melanie,
I’m so sorry to hear this, I was shocked when I started reading, I’m so very sorry for your loss. About 5 years ago my husband got seriously ill, he was in his late 50’s and doctors believed he had Alzheimer’s. I felt I’d lost my husband, it was a horrible and frightening time. I sobbed almost every night as I struggled to keep a full time job and take care of my husband. I knew I loved him, but didn’t realize just how much until I found myself praying/begging every night for him to come back to me.
2 years later, he came out of it, doctor’s haven’t a clue to this day what was wrong with him. I’m grateful and feel blessed beyond measure, to have more time with my husband. Through this experience I can only imagine the deep sorrow and pain you’re experiencing, but I know my faith carried me through each day. I pray the same for you and your family.
Hello, thank you for sharing your story with us. Your husband was a wonderful husband and father. I am so sorry that your life mate went to heaven so early. You are very courageous. I will be bringing you and your children before the Lord in prayer tonight and in the coming days. I am devastated by your loss and in light of my own experiences with grief, I know how much it hurts, and I know that the hurt will not go away for years. I am proud of you for continuing on like you are right now. Your description of your husband is very poignant. Your love for him is obvious. I am glad that you have the hope of Heaven and the knowledge that your husband is with God. Let us all know if we can do anything specific for you in addition to what you have already mentioned. I am sure that your subscribers want to help. Take care of yourself and know that you have the affection of many people you may never meet. May God continue to carry you through the grief process and bring you comfort in every way possible. River Grove, IL (708) 716-3982 Nancy
Oh Melanie, my heart breaks for you and your family and can’t imagine the heart ache you are all experiencing in each your own way. May the many fond memories and smiles that you shared carry you and may God hold you in the palm of His hand. Know you and your family are in my prayers. God Bless
May God bless you and your family. I lost my husband 6 yrs ago and my youngest son last year. The pain and longing is never quite gone, just under the surface. But God gives us the strength to carry on if we ask for it. My prayers will be with yours and others asking God to watch over you all.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I’m so very sorry. Your husband sounds like he was a very special man, and he is so handsome. I’ll keep you all in my prayers.
Loss is painful. Sudden and unexpected loss even more so. Today, I suspect, the focus is on the loss. Time will remind you of the love…and that is far stronger, than any pain. You were blessed to have his love. That love will journey with you for the rest of your life. The physical presence may be gone, but the essence of the man and the love you shared will strengthen and restore you in the days ahead. You were loved. You are loved. You will be loved. Forever.
I am so sorry for you and the children”s great loss. My heart breaks just thing of your loss.You will be in my prayers.
While there are no words that can take away your pain, know I’m praying for you and your beautiful family. His spirit will be with you always. You are in my thoughts and prayers. 🦋
MY heart goes out to you and your family,, May God fill you with the peace that passes all understanding . Holy spirit , our comforter surround them with God’s beautiful and amazing Love. Father God meet their every need.. In the mighty name of Jesus II pray this family . AMEN
I am so sorry to hear of your lose. I lost my husband 12 years ago. Some days are easier than others but it still hurts and I still miss him. The “firsts” are the hardest; First Christmas, first Thanksgiving, first Birthday, first anniversary , it will all be
so hard BUT you will make it. I slept with my husband’s coat over me every night. I didn’t move his shoes for over a year. It
is very hard BUT you will make it. You have your kids to help you through it and you will help them. It’s hard but God is
with you. If you can find a copy of “Learning to Breathe again” by Tammy Trent read it, it is so helpful.
May God Bless you.
I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Prayers for you and your family.
Comfort to you in your time of loss.
Melanie,
Lo siento muncho, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Oh honey that’s so very difficult. I have no words but I am so thankful that you know the Savior who walks this road for you and with you. The world says that time heals. No it doesn’t but God does help you through the time and to embrace the good of all you had with your husband. Praying for you and the children. Grieve deeply, remember deeply and claim all that God gives you in comfort deeply too.
Melanie, please know I am praying or you and the kids. We are away from home right now but when we get back in town I’d love to take you out for coffee. Loosing someone you love isn’t the hardest and there are no words I can say to make you feel better. Just know that God loves you and do I. Hugs 🤗
Oh Melanie, my heart, as one who has been there, truly feels the pain for you & your beautiful children. The knowledge that he is home with our Savior brings a measure of comfort but does not fill the hole in your hearts and lives. Cry out to our Father, hold to your children close but above all allow yourselves time to grieve. You all will need time to come to grips with your pain & loss. Never try to convince yourselves (or let anyone else) that there is any time limit to when you will “get over” this!! Just as love has no end neither does grief. Know you are all wrapped in God’s loving arms. I am sending hugs, love & prayers to you as well. <3 <3
I am so sorry! My prayers are with you and your children.
so very sorry for your loss. I lost a son and can absolutely relate to your pain/grief. You need to take one day at a time and only time will help in your healing. Use your wonderful memories to assist you each day and thank God you have your children. for comfort. and strength.
Dear Lord,
Fill Melanie and her children with your love and mercy, Make your presence known to them, In their comings and goings. Fill This Godly Family With Joy And Peace For evermore. Give them Rest. Send your heavenly angels to be by their side Today And Always. Amen
In Jesus name out Redeemer and Savior!I
Amen
Oh Melanie I am so sorry for your loss! I hadn’t been by your blog in the last month or so and stopped by today to read this post and my heart breaks for you and your children. I am praying for all of y’all – for strength and a web of support embracing y’all. God bless you sweet Melanie.
I lost my younger brother 40 years ago, and i can tell you that it never stops hurting, but it stops hurting as often. You and your children will always feel cheated that you didn’t have him with you as your lives progressed. But God will help you to cope, and it’s okay to miss the one we’ve lost. God understands that we miss him, and will help us to cope with the loss day by day for the rest of our lives. Missing the one we’ve lost never stops, and feeling cheated out of the times we’d have shared won’t go away. But knowing that the one we miss is with Him makes it easier to bear, and the knowledge that we will be together again one day helps to bear the loss. May God help you each day to remember that we don’t lose the loved one forever, we get to know we will be with him again. That doesn’t take away the feeling of loss, but helps to make it easier to live with each day. It’s okay to miss him, it’s okay to feel cheated out of sharing the rest of our lives together, but we need to trust God that He had a reason for this, which we will know when we join Him and our loved one in His presence. May God help you and your children each day so that you can learn to live with this loss, and still give glory to God for what He has given you each day.
My heart breaks as I read this Melanie… I am so sorry for the loss of your precious husband. You often come to my mind and I pray for you every day. Our God sees every tear that falls and He is near to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). I feel like words aren’t atequate but I’ll continue to bring you and your sweet children before the throne of God. xo
I am crying with you, Melanie. It’s an awful loss! Time heals, but very slowly. God bless you and children!
I am so sorry for your loss… all the words like now might not be enough for you so I send all my love and I hope you have all the courage for the days that will come.
A big hug,
Cristina
Melanie I am so sorry to hear of your dear husband’s passing. I cannot even imagine your pain and grief. The one thing I am thankful for is Jesus in your heart. I never know how people can get thru this kind of tragedy without God. I am praying that God will comfort you and your children.
Melanie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over 20 years ago when I was 23. Like someone said, the pain never really goes away. For me, it just got less. I still have moments where it feels like yesterday, but those days aren’t as common as they were even 10 years ago. I can’t imagine losing my husband. My heart goes out to you. There are no words. You are in my thoughts. {{{HUGS}}}
Melanie:
Honey, I am so sorry.
I know how inadequate those words are, because I have been where you are.
There are no words that can help.
Praising God that you know Him and can lean on Him.
He will be your mainstay through all of this, holding you in His everlasting arms, weeping with you.. every step you take forward or back He will be there with you. Hang onto Him as tight as you can and don’t let Him go.
If you need to talk to someone who’s been there email me and we can talk, I’m a great listener. I too lost the love of my life at a young age. I know!
Praying all of you through this.
Melanie, oh how my heart cries for you and your children, at this time of horrific loss, my prayers, non-ceasing. Prayers, for brighter and lighter days, sometime ahead, cherish the memories. I pray you and your family will grow stronger with each day!
Sincerely,
Your Cousin
Ann (Liney) Barnett
I was sorry to hear of your loss. As I read your story I wept. for you. I too have a similar story. My beloved husband of 55 years 8 months and 21 days was killed in a traffic accident. I know the feeling of that hole ripped in your heart. The Mercy Me song of “Even If” speaks to how I feel and as I listen I have to take heed to the final words. Listen to it have your cry and feel the Lord speaking to your heart. May it give you comfort.
I just found your blog today and it broke my heart reading your tragic news! I’m giving you a virtual hug and will be keeping you and your children in my prayers. I know how hard it is losing someone you love..just going thru the motions..pain will subside but never goes away. Keeping busy with your children..that’s what helped me. God bless you and your children!
I cried when I heard this. I had my life totally changed a little over 3 years ago. I and now you have joined the club that no one wants to belong to, you at a much younger age than I. And much as people want to help I understand that they don’t understand. Bravo for them they are the lucky ones. But I’m still young enough to have things to look forward to. Took me a couple of years to come to that conclusion though. I know you also lost a parent at a very young age so I hurt for your children too. At a minimum a bit of peace to you as you are able to find it.
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for God’s comfort to bear you up in the coming days. I truly hope His presence will be shown to you and your children daily and you can rest in His very precious promises. You will be in my prayers.
So sorry for your loss.
Dear Melanie, I cannot imagine the loss you had, just wanted to let you know you and your children are in my prayers and that the almighty will give you the strength and courage to face this most difficult time of your life. No words to console ,but a warm hug from across the world.
I am so sorry for your loss and I am keeping you and your family in my prayers too. What a tremendous loss for you and your children, but I pray that you find strength every day to get through to the next day.
Melanie,
I came on here for your Italian bread recipe and discovered a tragedy going on in your life – your wonderful husband now gone. As a Christian woman I know the power of comfort and support that Jesus can give and I am praying that He will uphold you, comfort and love you through this terrible time. I send you hugs and prayers for you and your children. I am so sorry for your loss.
Melanie,
I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling and my heart aches for you and your beautiful family. Carl sounds like the most amazing husband and father. Please know that you and your children are in our thoughts and prayers. I’m so sorry for your loss.
First time ever on your blog. I’m so very sorry and saddened to read about your loss. Nothing anyone can say or do is enough but I pray that you and your lovely family get the strength to deal with the absence of such a wonderful father and husband. Love and hugs
I stumbled across your blog this morning looking for recipes, and wept reading of your loss. Thank you for your transparency and unwavering faith in such difficult times. I’m praying that God will continue to strengthen you day by day. Thanks for being bold and still keeping your eyes fixed on Him. What a witness and testimony! Psalms 56:9
Thank you so much, Emily. It’s been 11 months and I still miss him so much every day. But still believing for God’s goodness in the worst circumstances of my life.
I am out of words right now, I am clueless what to write. I just finished baking the quick and easy yeast bread and i stumbled upon this post and I am left heartbroken. I have lost so many loved ones including my dearest mother but to lose your life soul is something which i can and will never be able to cope up with.
I really cannot imagine the pain you must be going through, the children are so fragile and to lose a figure of their role model is…. 😢
All I can write now is that you and your beautiful children will be always in my prayers.. Hope and Pray God eases things for you all.
Hugs to you and kids
K