Your comments have been so encouraging and I’ve been reading and treasuring every single one. Thank you!
Today, I write not on food or gathering but on love, suffering and the tragedy of experiencing grief. I share my heart openly and honestly after what has happened to me 1 month ago.
My heart has shattered into 1 million pieces. There’s no bandage for this wound. Its cut wide open with hurt, sadness, anger and the deepest loss I’ve ever felt.
I’ve never known grief like I do right now. And it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I’d rather almost anything else than this pain I’m feeling. I’ve wished him back, prayed for him to come back, willed for him to come back. But it’s no use, my lifetime lover is gone. He’s no longer by my side.
For those of you struggling with a recent loss, I get it. I can now not only imagine your pain but I get it 100%. It is so very difficult.
My husband, Carl, went to heaven on February 6th 2018 after a tragic accident at work. He was the coolest person. He had a way of making everyone around him smile with his goofy ways.
He was known for
- his hard work ethic (never missing days at work)
- his fun humor
- his awesome hair
- how much he enjoyed the beach
- and most importantly how much he loved us, his little family.
He gave and sacrificed so much for us. What an example of an every day Jesus in our lives.
My heart aches so very much. And the pain cuts to the core. The smallest things make me think of him. The photos, memories, foods we shared, the things we discussed in private, the adoring gaze. They’re all hurtful yet beautiful to remember.
I miss so many things about him. But more than anything I miss his touch and his voice. I know I’ll never get over him. He was my only love. We met when we were 17. Married at 19 and he’s the only man I ever loved.
He never thought he was a good enough father or husband but I knew just how special he was. And now the kids and I share all the ways that we miss this special person in our lives.
Not Goodbye, But See You Later, My Love. I know I will see you again in Heaven. For you, it may be sooner. For me it may feel like forever but I know it’s coming and in that, I take to heart.
I may continue to share my journey through this grief process as I feel it may help. However, I don’t know exactly what that will look like. Pray for us. The children and I need your prayers for the difficult days to come.
Thank you to all of you have helped in generous ways through the GoFundMe and with meals, rides for the kids, gifts and so much more. We appreciate all of you.
God is our present help in time of trouble.
Broken but blessed,
FOLLOW ALONG: Gather for Bread
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